Published March 13, 2009
In this world of darkness
In this world of pain
there is one who is always here for us.
it is hatred
hatred ,it provokes, thus forth it is provocative.
it is socially illicit and darkly explicit.
Hate loves you and is here to protect you.
the best defense is offense, so it makes you offensive.
you'll see yourself as a victim and thus become the perpetrator.
Hate loves you and doesn't want you to be scared.
it drives away logic and bids that you destroy what you don't understand.
Hate loves you and always embraces your heart...
so much easier to wield than the hidden recluse called love.
Hate loves us and can make us all stong...
strong enough to destroy the world.
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140,565 Literary Works • 673,441 Reviews
Okay, I loved the poem. It is a concept that I have not considered, so it got me thinking. That is the main point of a poem, to get others thinking about a certain subject. SO great job!
Okay the last line doesn't fit the flow of the first stanza. You have only four syllables while all of the others flow into each other. You could add something more to it.
This is perfect don't change it!
This makes sense, but it seems as if you're repeating yourself a couple of times.
I can't seem to find anything wrong with this stanza.
I love this stanza, it shows an understanding of emotion that most people don't get.
I get your point, but you might want to word it a bit different.
Overall: I love this poem. It describes hate in a different light than I have thought it to be. The word choice could have been different, but you did a great job. All I can say is keep it up and you'll be another great writer.
Wow, this is the new record since I started marking the poems and stuff.
1-The syllables are too different from one to another.
2-In the middle of your poem, your stanzas have strange structure. All this leads to the total crash of what you have in the beginning and the end of your work. The lines seem like they're just here to fit the space you have.
3-The repetitions didn't worked. None of them did.
4-In general, it was a disappointment: when I've read the title, I thought this will be fantastic.
Don't click if you are depressed right now...
[spoiler]2/10[/spoiler]
I love this poem.
Brilliant ending. I loved this poem because it was so smart. Truth rings in every line. My only porblem was your first stanza. The rest of this poem was really great.
Simple punctuation like this allows the reader to more easily follow alone with the thought process. Think about editing some more commas in and I think you would have a much better poem than you already have! I enjoyed it but the end was kind of an abrupt stop and I would think about continuing on for a couple of lines.
My favorite line was...
! Good job!
I after reading this poem is was thoughtful. Which is was great poems make you do.
That was my favorite line in the whole poem, the word choice was genious!
I didn't really think that your last stanza really fit with your tone in the rest of the poem. I thought it was of topic but I get where you were coming from.
over all I thought it was great, and gave me a vivid imagery.
Hmm, wonderful peice.
First of all: Grammar! Here is your poem with tiny edits. I capitalized every first letter, put spaces in their proper place after commas, and deleted all ellipses/periods.
In this world of darkness
In this world of pain
There is one who is always here for us
It is hatred
Hatred, it provokes, thus forth it is provocative
It is socially illicit and darkly explicit
Hate loves you and is here to protect you
The best defense is offense, so it makes you offensive
You'll see yourself as a victim and thus become the perpetrator
Hate loves you and doesn't want you to be scared
It drives away logic and bids that you destroy what you don't understand
Hate loves you and always embraces your heart
So much easier to wield than the hidden recluse called love
Hate loves us and can make us all stong
Strong enough to destroy the world
Ok, now that is over with, now for the real review.
These are a little wordy and doesn't flow with the rest of the poem. A perfect way to fix this is to read your poem outloud. You'll find loads of stuff.
Content: This is what I loved best. I love the meaning of the poem. "Hate Loves Us" is an ingenious title. : - )
Good work!
JC
This was marvelous. It really gives a new perspective to the turmoil that we all face. The flow was remarkable as well. The stanza were different but, I suppose it is a interesting style. You showed depth and emotion in your writing as well. I did not find any major mistakes. Just read through carefully. I enjoyed this piece. *Gold Star for you*