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Young Writers Society



Hate Loves You

by Monument Soul


In this world of darkness
In this world of pain
there is one who is always here for us.
it is hatred

hatred ,it provokes, thus forth it is provocative.

it is socially illicit and darkly explicit.

Hate loves you and is here to protect you.
the best defense is offense, so it makes you offensive.
you'll see yourself as a victim and thus become the perpetrator.

Hate loves you and doesn't want you to be scared.
it drives away logic and bids that you destroy what you don't understand.

Hate loves you and always embraces your heart...
so much easier to wield than the hidden recluse called love.

Hate loves us and can make us all stong...
strong enough to destroy the world.

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78 Reviews

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Reviews: 78

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Thu Mar 26, 2009 2:35 pm
Theodorable wrote a review...



Okay, I loved the poem. It is a concept that I have not considered, so it got me thinking. That is the main point of a poem, to get others thinking about a certain subject. SO great job!


Monument Soul wrote:In this world of darkness
In this world of pain
there is one who is always here for us.
it is hatred


Okay the last line doesn't fit the flow of the first stanza. You have only four syllables while all of the others flow into each other. You could add something more to it.

hatred ,it provokes, thus forth it is provocative.

it is socially illicit and darkly explicit.


This is perfect don't change it!

Hate loves you and is here to protect you.
the best defense is offense, so it makes you offensive.
you'll see yourself as a victim and thus become the perpetrator.


This makes sense, but it seems as if you're repeating yourself a couple of times.

Hate loves you and doesn't want you to be scared.
it drives away logic and bids that you destroy what you don't understand.


I can't seem to find anything wrong with this stanza.

Hate loves you and always embraces your heart...
so much easier to wield than the hidden recluse called love.


I love this stanza, it shows an understanding of emotion that most people don't get.

Hate loves us and can make us all stong...
strong enough to destroy the world.


I get your point, but you might want to word it a bit different.


Overall: I love this poem. It describes hate in a different light than I have thought it to be. The word choice could have been different, but you did a great job. All I can say is keep it up and you'll be another great writer.




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223 Reviews

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Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:38 pm
darko.demark666 wrote a review...



Monument Soul wrote:In this world of darkness,
In this world of pain;
there is one who is always here for us.
[s]it is hatred[/s] This line just doesn't fit.

Hatred, it provokes, thus forth it is provocative. I didn't get this.

It is socially illicit and darkly explicit.

Hate loves you and is here to protect you.
The best defense is offense, so it makes you offensive. No, it doesn't.
You'll see yourself as a victim and thus become the perpetrator.

Hate loves you and doesn't want you to be scared;
It drives away logic and bids that you destroy what you don't understand.

Hate loves you and always embraces your heart[s]...[/s]
so much easier to wield than the hidden recluse called love.

Hate loves us and can make us all strong[s]...[/s]
[s]strong[/s] enough to destroy the world.


Wow, this is the new record since I started marking the poems and stuff.

1-The syllables are too different from one to another.
2-In the middle of your poem, your stanzas have strange structure. All this leads to the total crash of what you have in the beginning and the end of your work. The lines seem like they're just here to fit the space you have.
3-The repetitions didn't worked. None of them did.
4-In general, it was a disappointment: when I've read the title, I thought this will be fantastic.

Don't click if you are depressed right now...
[spoiler]2/10[/spoiler]




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261 Reviews

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Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:48 am
KnightlyAngel09 wrote a review...



I love this poem.

Monument Soul wrote:In this world of darkness
In this world of pain
there is one who is always here for us.
it is hatred (I feel like this is a rather weak beginning. It's a really cliche beginning that could be turned around to fit any type of poem. I'm sure you can write a better first stanza.)

hatred ,it provokes, thus forth it is provocative.

it is socially illicit and darkly explicit. (The two lines are brilliant. They shimmer with wisdom and I love how you turn your words around.)

Hate loves you and is here to protect you.
the best defense is offense, so it makes you offensive.
you'll see yourself as a victim and thus become the perpetrator. (Again, great lines. This should be read out to politicians or something.)

Hate loves you and doesn't want you to be scared.
it drives away logic and bids that you destroy what you don't understand. (This line is the best.)

Hate loves you and always embraces your heart...
so much easier to wield than the hidden recluse called love.

Hate loves us and can make us all stong...
strong enough to destroy the world.


Brilliant ending. I loved this poem because it was so smart. Truth rings in every line. My only porblem was your first stanza. The rest of this poem was really great.




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Tue Mar 24, 2009 11:55 pm
mystymizer wrote a review...



Monument Soul wrote:In this world of darkness,
In this world of pain
There is one who is always here for us;
It is hatred.


Simple punctuation like this allows the reader to more easily follow alone with the thought process. Think about editing some more commas in and I think you would have a much better poem than you already have! I enjoyed it but the end was kind of an abrupt stop and I would think about continuing on for a couple of lines.

My favorite line was...

the hidden recluse called love.


! Good job!




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Tue Mar 24, 2009 11:43 pm
queenb4ever wrote a review...



I after reading this poem is was thoughtful. Which is was great poems make you do.

it is socially illicit and darkly explicit.


That was my favorite line in the whole poem, the word choice was genious!

Hate loves us and can make us all stong...
strong enough to destroy the world.


I didn't really think that your last stanza really fit with your tone in the rest of the poem. I thought it was of topic but I get where you were coming from.
over all I thought it was great, and gave me a vivid imagery.




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Tue Mar 24, 2009 6:35 pm
thefireinmeisJC wrote a review...



Hmm, wonderful peice.

First of all: Grammar! Here is your poem with tiny edits. I capitalized every first letter, put spaces in their proper place after commas, and deleted all ellipses/periods.

In this world of darkness
In this world of pain
There is one who is always here for us
It is hatred

Hatred, it provokes, thus forth it is provocative

It is socially illicit and darkly explicit

Hate loves you and is here to protect you
The best defense is offense, so it makes you offensive
You'll see yourself as a victim and thus become the perpetrator

Hate loves you and doesn't want you to be scared
It drives away logic and bids that you destroy what you don't understand

Hate loves you and always embraces your heart
So much easier to wield than the hidden recluse called love

Hate loves us and can make us all stong
Strong enough to destroy the world

Ok, now that is over with, now for the real review.

You'll see yourself as a victim and thus become the perpetrator

It drives away logic and bids that you destroy what you don't understand


These are a little wordy and doesn't flow with the rest of the poem. A perfect way to fix this is to read your poem outloud. You'll find loads of stuff.

Content: This is what I loved best. I love the meaning of the poem. "Hate Loves Us" is an ingenious title. : - )

Good work!
JC




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135 Reviews

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Fri Mar 13, 2009 6:39 pm
ballerina13 wrote a review...



This was marvelous. It really gives a new perspective to the turmoil that we all face. The flow was remarkable as well. The stanza were different but, I suppose it is a interesting style. You showed depth and emotion in your writing as well. I did not find any major mistakes. Just read through carefully. I enjoyed this piece. *Gold Star for you*





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